ISSUE FIVE IS NOW AVAILABLE

Oh, you've got to get in on this one. It's humor that'll make your mama cry. Some of the contributors include: David Cross, Sarah Silverman, Patton Oswalt, Davy Rothbart, Elizabeth Ellen, Christopher Monks, Wendy Molyneux, Aaron Burch, Bob Fingerman, Johnny Ryan, and the list goes on and on. Check it out!




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Stories previously featured on the Monkeybicycle web site.



The Andrew Jackson Stories, Part 6: The Barker Tiedown
by
Aaron Sitze



This is Us
by
Shellie Zacharia



The Andrew Jackson Stories, Part 5: Watching Plants Grow
by
Aaron Sitze



A Post-Mortem on Our Art Heist
by
Tyler Stoddard Smith



The Andrew Jackson Stories, Part 4: The Grandmother of All Trout
by
Aaron Sitze



10 Reasons Why I Shouldn't Write My Own Life Story
by
Glen Binger



The Andrew Jackson Stories, Part 3: Herbs for the Colossal Swede
by
Aaron Sitze



Fokken
by
Grant Flint



The Andrew Jackson Stories, Part 2:What Do You Know About Palm Fronds?
by
Andrew Sitze



Summer Stalks
by
Frayn Masters



The Andrew Jackson Stories, Part 1: Wool Blankets and the Old Revolution
by
Aaron Sitze



Time Machines Can Be Dangerous
by
Pete Reynolds



On Poetry
by
Kevin O'Cuinn



Peter Christopher
by
Brandi Wells



If I Coulld Fly
by
Colin Nissan



Letters of Great Consequence That Never Arrived
by
Clive Bannister



My Perfect Year
by
Todd Kelly



Some Excerpts from the Lonely Planet Master Guide
by
Summer Block Kumar



Yahoo! SpamGuard Fails Me Again
by
Greg Boose



Faulty Flashlights
by
B. J. Hollars



Conversation Piece, 1988
by
Jimmy Chen



Andrew Jackson and the Gum Disease Gingivitis
by
Aaron Sitze



X-Ray
by
Jon Chopan



Melvin Blaylock Attempts a Hallucinatory Revelation
by
S. Craig Renfroe, Jr.



A Few Years After the War
by
John Griswold



Circumstances Under Which I Will In Fact Bite
by
Daniel McArdle



An Angry and Profane English Professor Responds to Individual Sentences from Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live (2002), by Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller
by
Matthew Sewell



My Complete and Unabridged Sexual History in 60 Seconds
by
Shay Nicely



Pineapple Noir
by
Eric Suhem



The Coyotes Who Sometimes Hang Out in the Woods Near Frank Stellgard's Home Talk to Him About Their Preference in Beer
by
Russell Bradbury-Carlin



Even Thoough There are Far More Important Things than Teaching English, I have Chosen to Teach English and I Refuse to Answer Your Question, "Why?"
by
Jenny Zhang



While You Were Out
by
Alexandra Leake



Seen and Not Seen
by
Patti Jazanoski



Here Am Sounding
by
Stevie Davis



How I Redecorated the Fortress of Solitude
by
Rafael Galan



Five Steps in Your Evolution
by
Joseph Cameron



Reunion
by
Scott Garson



A Word From the Society for the Prevention of People Being Buried Alive (A Pamphlet): Circa 1850
by
Cody Shaffer



13 Times I'd Rather Not Remember
by
Brandi Wells



Intellectual Property
by
Angela Woodward



My Cutting-Edge Cyber Romance Novel: The First Seven Drafts
by
Charlie Anders



You Don't Support Me In My Writing
by
Tyler Smith



Like They Used To Do In the Movies
by
Adam Maxwell



Lao-tzu Reviews the Top Tracks of 2007
by
Marco Kaye



If You Get Your MFA
by
Christina Delia



How to Write a Poem About the Beach
by
Eva Romero



Off Day
by
Charles Lennox



In Hindsight, I Probably Included Too Much Personal Information in My Missing Dog Bulletin
by
Ian Rick



Would You Please?
by
Sean Ruane



My Love Affair with a Librarian, From Start to Finish, as Told Through the Dewey Decimal System
by
Nick Confalone



A Short History of Happy New Years (and Not So Happy Endings)
by
Ben Tanzer



Dog Penis Hairspray or the Spirit of the White Elephant
by
Dawn Corrigan



Home is Where I Pass Out Alone for the Holidays
by
Grievous Jones



Three Stories that are Almost Entirely Unrelated Except They're All About Christmas
by
Richard Rippon



Dangling Modifiers in Honor of Christmas
by
Matt Salesses



The Kids Next Door
by
Mary Phillips-Sandy



Famous Christmas Figures' Psychological Disorders, Diagnosed
by
Wendy Molyneux



Two Nights Before Christmas
by
Brian Beatty



A Holiday Greeting From the Bukowskis
by
Tyler Smith



A Christmas Story with Puzzler
by
Elizabeth Ellen



Pagan Scandinavia vs. Christmas at My Aunt and Uncle's House in Minnetonka
by
Kathryn Holmquist



You Forgot the Gravy, Didn't You?
by
Zach Wolff



Cookie Time
by
Abby Denson



Christmas Would Be In December
by
Aaron Burch



Ideas for the Holidays
or
Inside the Mind of a Small Indian
or
Welcome to the Jungle

by
Millie Munshi



The Last Noël
by
Josh Fischel



Feet in Socks
by
Amy Güth



Christmas Eve with My Father (or, "Just Fucking Run")
by
Patrick Dean



Laryy Sm1Th, Email Spammer, Writes a Christmas Card to His Parents
by
Greg Boose



I am Holding Your Hand
by
Myfanwy Collins



This Quiet Complex
by
Amelia Gray



Almost, But Not Quite, a Christmas Miracle
by
Ralph Gamelli



How They Fit
by
J. A. Tyler



Donny
by
Ben Segal



Fact File
by
Mike Topp



So Lucky
by
Beth Thomas



Refresher
by
Joshua Ben-Noah Carlson



A Letter to my Future Self
by
Nathan Thornton



The Beatles
by
CL Bledsoe



Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Wedding
by
Clifford Garstang



Why Barbara Lost Her Job as Copywriter for the Community Education Course Catalog
by
Shellie Zacharia



Hoping for a Big Bang
by
Paul Kavanagh



Your Home Pregnancy Test Results
by
Nathaniel Missildine



Adherence
by
John Roberts




A Scale of Combat
by
Kyle Sundby



Seven Items Concerning My Recent Family Road Trip to Canada:
by
Millie Munshi



Light Boxes
by
Shane Jones



Coco
by
Valerie Vogrin



Unedited Idioms
by
Justin Droms



The Death of Stalin
by
Christopher Higgs



Questions I Regret Not Asking
by
Thomas Hopkins



Excerpts from "The Road," by Woody Allen
by
Ralph Gamelli



Three Small Stories II
by
Darby Larson



Stan Lee's Rabbit, Run!
by
Charlie Anders



The Man Who Retired to the Moon
by
Dave De Fina



There Are Unconscious Mental States And Processes, For Example, How This Very Second You Are Semantically And Syntactically Processing This Title
by
Patrick Vittek



Harpoons of Love
by
David Manuel Valin



Punctuation in Three Acts
by
Jessica Handler



Charles
by
Steve Himmer



Jokes Without Punchlines
by
Tom McCormack



Orbit
by
Claudia Smith



Highlights From the Portfolio of Robert Mapplethorpe, Wedding Photographer
by
David Hart



My Organ Donor Card: Annotated
by
Jay Dyckman



The Music Man
by
Jen Michalski



Random Excerpts From My New Line of Travel Guides to Cities That I Have Never Been To
by
Mike Jones



What I Like About My UPS Man
by
Laura Hirneisen



Jose Canseco Knows which Superheroes are on Steroids
by
Ralph Gamelli



The Hog
by
Dawn Corrigan



A Parable About the Superiority and Pleasures of Realistic Fiction
by
Justin_Kahn



It's Only Rock and Roll, But We Like It
by
Ben Tanzer



Speaking in Tongues
by
Scott Brothers



The Daughters
by
Myfanwy Collins



Opposing Perceptions of the Same Argument...with Both Arriving at the Same Conclusion
by
Ric Reichert



Some Brief Remarks About Mud
by
Bill Winter



Current Living Nobel Prize Winners in Literature Make Headlines for Short-lived Intellectual Gossip Rag
by
Tyler Stoddard Smith



A Parable About the Superiority and Pleasures of Realistic Fiction
by
Justin Kahn



West Creek Herald Newspaper Corrections/Clarifications
by
Mark Garrison



Page 194 of the 276-Page Memoir of a Golden Retriever Named Chewy
by
Eric Feezell



Can I Just Point Out How Racist I'm Not Being Right Now?
by
Charlie Anders



A Zagat Writer Reviews Everyday Life
by
Rob Bloom



Recent Rejections: The Collected Turndowns (Literary Included)
by
Kevin O'Cuinn



Cats Witness History
by
Alex MacInnis



Albert Belle is Coming to Dinner
by
Brendan Proce



Three Small Stories
by
Darby Larson



Probably the Only Chronology Ever Written About Bob Dylan
by
Nataniel Missildine



Sex Dungeon For Sale
by
Patrick Wensink



The Dog of the World C
by
Sam Bennett



Heat Miser and Snow Miser: The Correspondence
by
Ralph Gamelli



Elizabeth Ellen, 1972
by
Elizabeth Ellen



Crash & an Interpretive Dance
by
D. Harlan Wilson



Text From Museum Wall Labels Altered to Describe My First New York Apartment
by
David Hart



I Try to Make Scents of It All
by
Tyler Stoddard Smith



Pies
by
Mary Phillips-Sandy



Outlines
by
Michael de los Reyes



More Reasons Not to Supply Dogs with Kielbasa Sausage
by
Charlie Nadler



Our Happiness
by
Dawn Corrigan



My Hypoglycemia
by
Andy Cobb



Mad Libs for Difficult Situations
by
Rob Bloom



In Loving Memory
by
Jon Alan Carroll



The Day California Fell Into the Sea
by
Amelia Gray



A Dam for a Flood
by
Jimmy Chen



My Quasi-Paranormal House
by
Ralph Gamelli



Leave Playboy Magazines in the Woods
by
Patton Oswalt



How to Hide a Dying Dictator in the Eating Disorder Ward of the State Hospital
by
Amelia Shackelford



Self-Help for Superheroes
by
Rafael Galan



Her New Dolls
by
Andrew Dicus



Having Semi-Regular Sex on a Pontoon Boat in La Jolia
by
Justin Varara



Stages of Foreign Language Learning
by
Nathaniel Missildine



The Beginnings of Ten Stories About Ponies
by
Wendy Molyneux



Palm Beach is a Warm, Warm Soft Angel Made of Sand
by
Dan Kennedy
and
Sean Carman



In Which I Date Someone for a While and then Pause to Reflect
by
Josh Fischel



Real Reviews of Fake Restaurants
by
Jon Allan Carroll



Amber at the Window in Hurricane Season
by
Justin Taylor



Adam in the Garden of Eden
by
Rick Stoeckel



Stories by Edgar Omar Aviles
by
Translated by Toshiya Kamei



Wedding Bells
by
Paddy Jones



Reconstruction (A novel excerpt)
by
David Ohle



Assorted Rays: Ranked According to Coolness
by
David Ng



Loser
by
Shya Scanlon



!%Viva la Revolution
by
Magdalen Powers



A Medieval Bestiary of Vegetables
by
James Warner



That Bitch
by
Caroline Kepnes



SUBURB OF THE PARANOIAC-CRITICAL WRITER; AFTERNOON ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE ORION ARM (2005)
by
Dan McNeil



The Truth About Noses (Beauty Talk & Monsters Series)
by
Masha Tupitsyn



The Bottle Collector
by
J. Sallini-Genovese



Warning
by
Angela Jane Fountas



My Name is Martin, Too
by
Justin Kahn



Three Screams
by
Jay Wexler



Love in Miniature
by
Martha Clarkson



Suddie Shea
by
EBArnold



Two Stories
by
Leland Pitts-Gonzalez



How To Get Over Your Second Wife Jan WIth Class
by
Dan Kennedy
and
Dan Kennedy's Poetry for Monkeybicycle: A Look Back
by
Sean Carman



i went fishing with my family when i was five
by
Tao Lin



Superpowers
by
Ray Vukcevich



Oswald in Love
by
Richard Hulse



Beautiful Nature: A Story Pieced Together from Things my ESL-Teaching Friends Have Sent me from Japan
by
Pasha Malla



A Story Named After the Ocean
by
B. Laviolette



Point Five
by
Juliet Latham



we broke beds
by
David C. LaTerre



Milk
by
Jennifer Dziura



The Very Last Story
by
Josh Kron


Mysteries of American History
by
Kurt Luchs


Christmas
by
Tao Lin


Best Man's Speech (Draft)
by
Andrew Day



One-sentence Stories



The Continental Bedsit
by
Emmett Cole



From the Dispatches of Budd McAllen, Ethnomusicologist
by
Brendan Kiley



Four Stories
by
Brian Beatty



Three Short Ventriloquists' Routines for Today's Ventriloquist
by
Mike Fowler



There It Is--A Short-Short
by
Randall Brown



Funk Poem About A Gal Named Carol
by
Dan Kennedy
and
Never Loved A Girl Named Carol: Further Reflections On Dan Kennedy's Genius
by
Sean Carman



Eloise
by
Hilarie Shanley



Optimal Handling of the C-NU(TM)
by
K.O. Cuinn



The Tylenol Cheerleader: A Tragedy in Three Parts
by
Sharma Shields



Tentacles
by
Andy Henion



One-sentence Stories, Batch Five


Domestication
by
Martha Clarkson



Friend is a Ship and Dumpster Manifesto
by
Willie Smith



Mix Tape
by
Gavin J. Grant



Xunantunich
by
Danielle Cantin



Joseph's Dilemma
by
Matt Bell



Before You She Was A Pitbull
by
Elizabeth Ellen



The Sheriff and the Stranger
by
Scott Brothers



I am Finally Letting Folks Get Into Some of My Poetry and Cast Aside Sweet Sorrow for Tonight We Rock: Dan Kennedy's Sharing of His Love Poetry
by
Dan Kennedy and Sean Carman



Stories, Only the Beginnings
by
David Drury



Shine
by
Darien Cavanaugh



One-Sentence Stories, Batch Four



One-Sentence Stories, Batch Three



How Other Countries Celebrate American Thanksgiving
by
Christopher Monks, Aaron Burch, Steven Seighman, Matthew Simmons, Pasha Malla and Melissa Bell



One-Sentence Stories, Batch Two



An Uncontrolled Swelling
by
Matt Briggs



One-Sentence Stories



Inverse After
by
Shauna McKenna



My Elephant Boy
by
Christopher Monks



Novel Double/ Double Novel
by
Doug Nufer



Sauce
by
Miriam Kotzin and Bill Turner




The Enemy of the Bee
by
Darren Chase




Inn
by
Davy Rothbart




My Life At The New York Post
by
Richard Grayson




Indian In The Cupboard
by
Mike Topp




Appendix To The Prufrock Second Manual Of Etiquettes For Surviving The Modern World Politely: More Hints And Useful Tips For Situations In Or Arising From The Workplace
by
James Hogwood



Social Contract
by
Stephen Elliott




Turning Thirteen
by
Wells Oliver




On the Phone With Haley
by
Julia Glassman




Zane: Bildungsroman
by
Brendan Kiley




Eyes Like Kumquats, Lips Like A Cocked Gun
by
Jay Wexler




The Man In The Shed
by
Jeff Reichman




NOLA Chronicles Part 1
Part 2
by
Chjad McEvoy




Englishman v. Irishman
by
Mike McGowan




Katie Couric Interviews Soren Kierkegaard on the Occasion of the Paperback Publication of The Concept of Dread
by
Ken Krimstein




America Fell in Love With the Explosions Technician
by
Henry Mansfield




Bring Me the Head of the Cross-eyed Jesus
by
Clay Matthews




Doc Nostrum's Miracle Confection
by
Tobias Seamon




Coffee Stains
by
Lawrence Krauser




Toxic Beauty
by
Lauran Strait




I Burst Into Flames
by
Ronnie Cordova




Velvet Fog
by
Gary Glauber




Four Eyed Chick
by
Tom H. Macker




The Rules of Embalming
by
Kelly Spitzer




The First and Last God-Damned Stupid Birthday Present
An excerpt from The Pupils of an Inflated Giraffe

by
Blake Butler




Carpentry
by
Diane Payne




JuJu Jetski
by
Lisa McMann




Santa Claus is Coming...A Sex and the Christmas Special
by
Eric Spitznagel




Some Vegetarians
by
J Robert Lennon




Livewire
by
David Gianatasio




Hand
by
Ryan Boudinot




My Big Fat Greek Neighbor
by
Wells Oliver




Stupid's Rising Up
by
Dave Clapper




The Time Between Ordering and Eating
by
Kevin Fanning




Guess What I Got On Ebay
by
Calvin Liu




Don't Fuck With the Dungeonmaster
by
Matthew Simmons




Subway Kings
by
Paul Toth




The Night Before My Beige Tercel Went Off The Cedar Creek Bridge With All Of Us Inside
by
Brian Graham




Shuckers
by
Steve Gullion




Elephants Make Poor Salads
by
Benjamin Cohen




Haibun: Divorcing the Brothers
by
Pat Pedersen




The Next Stanley Kubrick
by
Kathy Fish




The Devil and the Potato Picker
by
Troy Morash




The Cat Had Her Tongue
by
Ed Page




Future Plans
by
Jamey Gallagher




Author's Bio
by
Eric Spitznagel




What to Wear
by
Susan Henderson




Paid Advertisment
by
Vic Perry



The Translation
by
Kevin Sampsell




The Raining Men
by
Pasha Malla



Neurotica
by
Frayn Masters



Taqueria la Cumbre
by
Joseph Young



Monkey Blood
by
Bill Spratch



Empty Houses
by
Lydia Copeland



Doll Man
by
Wayne Wolfson



The State Quarters' Stare
by
Francis Raven



How Sweet the Sight
by
Megan Bott



Spinning Blades
by
Rose Gowen



The Day the Aliens Brought Pancakes
by
Eric Spitznagel



Two Stories: Reworking Jimmy and Reworking Dannielle
by
Mike McGowan



Moby Dick FEED
by
David C. LaTerre



Sleeping Pills
by
Kevin Sampsell



Fruit Snacks
by
Christopher Paul



Some Lives Consist of Missing
by
Elizabeth Ellen



CLASSIFIED: The Eradication of the Word "Natch" from the English Language
and
Laying Down The Law
by
Paul A Toth



Juju
by
Wayne Wolfson



Inspiration and Innovation in Collectibles
and
The Capetown Natural History Museum
by
Chad McEvoy



Dangerous Christmas Toys
(specifically Victorian Era Anti-Masturbation Devices)

by
Eric Spitznagel



when are you not going anywhere?
by
Kathleen Nering



Tiny and Perfect
by
Whitney Pastorek



Academia
by
Mike McGowan



Behavioral Science
by
Jill Alphonso