Random Excerpts From My New Line of Travel Guides to Cities That I've Never Been To
Destination: New York City
New York City
Population: 10 million
Current Mayor: Michael R. Bloomberg
Average Temperatures: It is worth noting that temperatures in New
York City are always given in Fahrenheit. As the author is unfamiliar
with this system, the temperatures listed below are only rough estimates
of the conversion to Celsius centigrade.
Winter: -30º to -50º
Spring: -15º to -25º
Summer: +30º to +50º
Fall: -5º to 15º
Quick Tips
-Try your best to blend in both in dress and speech. For example,
locals frequently refer to their city as “New York Sizzay”.
A New York Yankees cap or jersey would not be amiss.
-If a car should come in close proximity to you while you're crossing
the street, throw up your hands and exclaim "I'm walkin' here!"
All New Yorkers do this.
Dangers & Annoyances
Although it’s no secret that New Yorkers are very proud of their
city (as well they should be), the main thing to keep in mind while
visiting is that despite their friendly and outgoing nature during
daylight hours, New York City locals will kill tourists after dark.
For this reason, it is highly recommended that all sight seeing is
finished well before the sun goes down.
The Must Sees
No trip to the Big Apple is complete without a trip to the Museum
of Modern Art (MoMA). Located on the corner of 51st Street and Broadway
(take F train from East 106th street and 45th to Penn Station, then
walk four blocks east), the gallery houses some of the most important
paintings of the modern age from artists such as Jackson Pollock,
Paul Gauguin, Arcabas and Pierre Cherbit. It is closed Fridays and
Saturdays and to beat the often exhaustive crowds, you might want
to visit on a Tuesday when children, the elderly and wheelchairs are
banned. Entrance cost is free.
Times Square is a New York City landmark. Created during the depression
era of 1930-1935 as a place to let loose and have a good time, this
one block zone of shops and bars was quickly overtaken by smut, crime
and overall degenerate behavior. Several people were harassed and,
in some reported cases, mugged. By the 1990’s, Times Square
was in need of a facelift. In 1995 after a landslide victory, Republican
Mayor Rudolph Giuliani declared war on Times Square, proposing a personal
mission to “clean up” the area so that families could
have a suitable place to bond and pray. The end result was the closing
down of strip clubs and pornographic movie theatres. These venues
were replaced with far more wholesome entertainment, family-style
restaurants and “Petropolis,” the world’s largest
petting zoo. The area is certainly worth a visit - during the day.
*See “Dangers & Annoyances” for more information.
(S train from David Letterman Station to Flatbush Station, C train
to Grand Central Station, O train to Times Square.)
Star Struck
Though not quite the home of the stars that Los Angeles is, New York
still remains a notable city in which to spot the odd celebrity now
and again. Funny-man Jerry Seinfeld is reportedly a frequent patron
of Restaurant, the now notorious coffee shop in which Jerry, Elaine,
George and Kramer spent many an episode of the hit sitcom Seinfeld.
If you do plan on stopping by for a bite, remember that Restaurant
is quite popular and that reservations are always recommended. Tel:
070. 5576.3402, 39th Street and Broadway, one block west of Central
Park.
Another New York local celebrity you might catch a glimpse of is filmmaker
Woody Allen. When he’s not making quirky and neurotic yet entirely
lovable films about the human condition, Allen has been regularly
spotted in the fashionable “Meat Packing” district where
he owns a home. Actually, his two most recent efforts “Match
Point” and “Scoop” were also filmed entirely in
this area, so if you’re a fan, there’s a myriad of locations
to pick out and recall.
Depending on the season, one of the most beautiful places in New York
to spend an afternoon strolling down is Queens Boulevard. Along this
famous boulevard are numerous small and trendy cafes, privately owned
art galleries and the childhood home of Superman creator, Jerry Siegel. Just up the street from here on
Lexington and Park Avenue is the Capitol Records recording studio
where legendary New York rockers The Ramones recorded their seminal
self-titled debut album in 1976.
Culinary Delights
It would take years to sample even half of the fabulous restaurants
that New York has to offer. The city has always prided itself on a
vast mixture of ethnicity and culture and nowhere is that more obvious
than in the food. The smells wafting from even the smallest café are as diverse as the city’s population
itself, with something special and enticing for everyone. Whatever
you do though, remember to save room for the dish that New York is
known around the world for: poutine. This tantalizing feast features
fresh French fries coated in heaping mounds of cheese curd and gravy.
It’s a dish as old as New York itself, originating from the
Dutch fur trappers who were among the first settlers. In fact, the
best place in the city for poutine can be found at Mannie’s in Brooklyn Heights; a New York institution when it comes to the dish.
Owner Ralph Strooppen carries on a family legacy that began when his
great, great grandfather set up shop after coming over from the Netherlands
in 1831. If you go, bring your appetite and be prepared to stand in line! (From Chalkhurst station, catch
the T train to Soho station, then A train to Brooklyn Heights)
Mike Jones has fiction online for your perusal at McSweeney's, Hobart, Juked, Word Riot, Opium, Thieves Jargon and Wandering Army. He is nearly impossible to Google.