Some Vegetarians
Ate meat until she had children, then could not stop imagining that she
was eating them
Inadvertently killed her cat by trying to make it a vegtetarian, too
Embarrassed among his high-powered business associates, he orders steak
at lunch, then doesn't eat it, instead allowing himself to be
simultaneously repulsed and enravened by the aroma
Will not speak to his meat-eating teenage daughter
Won't eat the flesh of animals or fish, but thinks insects are OK
Used to love meat until this one time he was eating a pork chop and
found an encysted tuft of pig hair inside it
Grows a beard every winter and shaves it off in April; eats meat only
when he has the beard
Will eat meat when it is socially necessary, but makes disgusted faces
while doing so
Largely vegan, but will drink milk if she knows the cow personally
Used to be mortally obese, then gave up meat, milk, and processed foods;
now is dangerously thin
Her neighbor gives her children chocolate bars
His mother buys him premium Alaskan elk jerky for Christmas every year
Whenever she comes over, her friend serves her food with meat hidden in
it, just for spite
He is the manager of a meat-packing plant, and his wife is an
advertising vice-president for Hormel Foods
he says it's not a health thing, it's a moral thing
He says it's not a moral thing, it's a health thing
Will eat meat, but only meat he has killed himself, preferably with his
bare hands. He has done this to a deer by waiting in a blind in a tree,
then jumping down upon the animal, then choking it to death
Does it to piss off grandma
Does it so that she might be friends with the animals in Heaven
Does it because they only give you the employee discount at the co-op if
you are one
Attends an annual picnic where everyone gets down on their knees and
eats grass
Does it to pick up vegan chicks who don't wear bras
J. Robert Lennon is the author of four novels, including Mailman.