Probably the Only Chronology Ever Written About Bob Dylan
1941
Robert Zimmerman is born in Duluth, Minnesota.
Raised in Hibbing.
1959
Robert legally changes name to Bob Dylan,
after poet Dylan Thomas.
1963
Allen Ginsberg listens to Hard Rain's A-gonna Fall and weeps
openly, realizing a new generation has been born.
1964
Danny Winowski of Pomona, California, hears version of It's Alright Ma, I'm Only Bleeding live and faints where he's
standing, because he's certain Dylan has been instructed by someone
to reveal Danny's closely guarded secrets, the ones he thought might
get him arrested, to the rest of the audience. Danny is later revived
with smelling salts.
1965
Dylan performs electric version of Maggie's Farm at the Newport
Folk Festival and annoys guys in audience who were counting on being
able to hug their girlfriends from behind and sway during Lonesome
Death of Hattie Carroll.
Early-1966
Ramona Kennelworth of Council Bluffs, Iowa, waits outside the artists'
entrance after a concert, hoping she can throw herself into the back
seat of Dylan's car and explain to him that she's fully aware that
he wrote To Ramona about her, even though they've never met.
He doesn't need to say anything, but she would be happy to live with
him.
Mid-1966
Dylan crashes motorcycle.
Survives. Produces country.
1970 Harry House of Chambersburg, Pennsylvania, listens to Early Morning Rain and decides that it's time to leave the
place where he has been attempting to eek out of meager living for
too long, with friends he no longer knows, and become a fisherman.
It lasts for at least a little while.
1975
Jim Lerher of New York, New York, listens to Shelter From the Storm.
On the line, "Do I understand your question, man, is it hopeless and
forlorn?," he freezes, unable to enter the studio for his maiden broadcast
with Robert MacNeil of the MacNeil Lehrer Report. Jim thinks
he's heard the song a million times before, though it's impossible
because the album it's on, Blood on the Tracks, has just been
released. He waits by the door for a full five minutes, worrying the
crew, before collecting himself and beginning the evening's news.
1979
Dylan attends
a bible study. While there, he manages to get born-again.
1986
Dylan releases Knocked Out Loaded, one of the sorriest albums
of music ever recorded.
1992
Dylan receives lifetime achievement award at the Grammys.
His thank you speech makes sense only to presenter Jack Nicholson,
old girlfriend Suzi Rotolo, and Jay Minerman of Mufreesboro, Tenessee,
watching at home from his basement.
1996
Doug Rohrbauch of Framingham, Massachusetts, listens to bootleg version
of Idiot Wind shortly after breaking up with girlfriend and
melts into his chair. Police gather remnants of Doug in urn.
1999
Nathaniel Missildine of San Francisco, California, listens to Abandoned
Love in his car, riding back home from work, and realizes he should
never take anything for granted again. Like ever.
2000
Colin Christopher Scott of Seattle, Washington, dances to Call
Letter Blues from the Bootleg Series while holding two lit candles.
He falls, to no one's surprise, but miraculously catches neither the
rug nor the rest of the room on fire.
Early 2001
A Norwegian sculptor publicly admits to carving the face of a local
cathedral archangel in the likeness of Dylan. Dylan politely responds
that he's flattered.
2001
In what he describes as a "date as good as any," a Sony BMG executive
becomes inspired to slot album Love and Theft for release on
Tuesday, September 11.
2002
While on tour,
Dylan tells a reporter he would rather have been a mathematician.
2006
The album Modern Times hits #1 on the charts, making Dylan
the oldest living person to ever do so. Anyone who listens to it,
particularly Spirit on the Water, understands that things will
continue on, regardless of how they may currently seem.
Nathaniel Missildine lives in France where he, his wife and two daughters speak entirely their own language. His first novel, Far North, is available at www.pulpbits.com.