The Devil and the Potato Picker
After buying a tiny field and working on it for
only two days, a weary
and lonely potato picker threw down his hoe and
threw up his arms to
the sky. He desperately pleaded to the powers that
be for a more
exciting life. He
wanted to travel, he wanted to risk his life and he wanted lots of pretty
girls to listen to him talk about himself. So the potato picker prayed
and prayed that he could have a more electrifying life. Because on his
tiny field he saw no hope for happiness. But sadly, only the devil is
trained to hear those kinds of prayers, and while dreaming away in his
field, the devil strolled up to him, dressed just like the potato picker
and said "My, my potato picker, whatever are you doing? I thought you
wanted to have an interesting life? And so after I travel a tremendously
long way just to be with you how do I find you--doing exactly what you
don't want to do. How boring! What are you waiting for? The devil to
come and take you by the hand?"
"No of course not!" exclaimed the potato picker. "I was just trying to--"
"Must I do everything?" the devil sighed. "No bother. So what shall we do
first?"
The potato picker had never thought that far ahead and wasn't sure; how
could he choose, for he was sure there were more exciting moments to
choose from than he could even imagine.
"You decide," he finally told the devil, "just so long as it's more
exciting than what I'm doing right now.
"Well okay, that is a bit more definite," said the devil thoughtfully.
"Let me see, well to begin with, there is a small castle, so I've heard
from some rather noble men, that is on the other side of a mountain. Have
you heard about this mountain?" The potato picker shook his head, he had
never heard of it before. "Well this mountain is rather something in
itself, because you
see, it moves and eats sunlight. You can't see
the mountain moving from the ground, only from the sky, but the way to
recognize it is that it is surrounded by water, which has huge icebergs
floating in it. Now the thing is this: there is a dragon that lives in
the castle, but this isn't any old dragon, it is in fact, THE dragon; the
one and only who invented the words "ugly" and "lazy." He has swords for
teeth, which are covered in sticky lard; TVs for eyes, that run the most
boring programs; sandpaper skin, that sweats glue and claws of hot thick
barbwire. Can you imagine?"
The potato picker nodded his head wildly and his muscles were tensing in
anticipation for the battle that lay ahead.
"The problem is, you see," the devil continued, "that he has captured the
one hundred most beautiful women in the world at this time. I have heard
that the horrible fiend is planning to have them all killed in accordance
with some whimsical grand scheme of his to destroy beauty. I have also
heard that whoever stabs this dragon will be allowed, by fate, to marry
all one hundred of these beautiful women and they in their turn, must do
everything you ask, no matter how awful it may be to them!"
"Lead on, mighty man, I am ready!" the potato picker cried out in a flurry
of emotion, throwing down his shovel and potatoes and taking up his
pitchfork.
"Well, wait just a moment, potato picker, there is even more," the devil
cooed. "In that very lake with the icebergs there are many sunken ships,
which have trapped ghosts of an entire ancient army. And boy, are they
looking for a fight! But they need a leader. And I think that the world
needs to be conquered, what do you think? Feel like leading an army of
immortal ghosts to take over the world?" The potato picker was rolling on
the ground and drooling, for he was truly excited.
"But before the hundred wives and the ancient army, guess what awaits you
to practice on? The hoarfrost trolls. They have eyes where ordinary
people only have empty holes, so they really are quite tricky and can't be
trusted, but what would happen if we learned their special language, and
trained them to fly? Why we could make millions of coins with the circus
and then, not only could you control the world, but also, I think everyone
would love you. That certainly seems like the best plan, don't you think?
Ahhhh, I can see by the expression on your face that you don't know how to
fly, so you're probably asking yourself how you could possibly teach
hoarfrost trolls to fly if you yourself don't know how? Well, I know a
place where you automatically can fly, just by being there, like when
you're in the water, you do know how to swim yes? Good, and do you
gamble, because in this place you are assumed to be rich, you don't even
have to prove it, you just have to have that feeling about you, like those
people with the meat, you know the ones..."
So the devil lied and lied and the potato picker dreamed and dreamed and
they lived happily ever after, until they both eventually died boring
deaths, so boring that neither of them noticed they had died or that they
were dead.
Troy Morash comes from Canada but has lived and traveled all over the world. He has lived in California, Romania and Russia (the Far East) and is now living in Odessa, Ukraine where he teaches English. He has published stories in journals and magazines including FABLES, SHORT STORIES MAGAZINE and THE ROSE AND THORN. His home site is www.geocities.com/troys_tales and he can be reached at troy99m@yahoo.ca.