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The Devil and the Potato Picker By Troy Morash After buying a tiny field and working on it for only two days, a weary and lonely potato picker threw down his hoe and threw up his arms to the sky. He desperately pleaded to the powers that be for a more exciting life. He wanted to travel, he wanted to risk his life and he wanted lots of pretty girls to listen to him talk about himself. So the potato picker prayed and prayed that he could have a more electrifying life. Because on his tiny field he saw no hope for happiness. But sadly, only the devil is trained to hear those kinds of prayers, and while dreaming away in his field, the devil strolled up to him, dressed just like the potato picker and said "My, my potato picker, whatever are you doing? I thought you wanted to have an interesting life? And so after I travel a tremendously long way just to be with you how do I find you--doing exactly what you don't want to do. How boring! What are you waiting for? The devil to come and take you by the hand?" "No of course not!" exclaimed the potato picker. "I was just trying to--" "Must I do everything?" the devil sighed. "No bother. So what shall we do first?" The potato picker had never thought that far ahead and wasn't sure; how could he choose, for he was sure there were more exciting moments to choose from than he could even imagine. "You decide," he finally told the devil, "just so long as it's more exciting than what I'm doing right now. "Well okay, that is a bit more definite," said the devil thoughtfully. "Let me see, well to begin with, there is a small castle, so I've heard from some rather noble men, that is on the other side of a mountain. Have you heard about this mountain?" The potato picker shook his head, he had never heard of it before. "Well this mountain is rather something in itself, because you see, it moves and eats sunlight. You can't see the mountain moving from the ground, only from the sky, but the way to recognize it is that it is surrounded by water, which has huge icebergs floating in it. Now the thing is this: there is a dragon that lives in the castle, but this isn't any old dragon, it is in fact, THE dragon; the one and only who invented the words "ugly" and "lazy." He has swords for teeth, which are covered in sticky lard; TVs for eyes, that run the most boring programs; sandpaper skin, that sweats glue and claws of hot thick barbwire. Can you imagine?" The potato picker nodded his head wildly and his muscles were tensing in anticipation for the battle that lay ahead. "The problem is, you see," the devil continued, "that he has captured the one hundred most beautiful women in the world at this time. I have heard that the horrible fiend is planning to have them all killed in accordance with some whimsical grand scheme of his to destroy beauty. I have also heard that whoever stabs this dragon will be allowed, by fate, to marry all one hundred of these beautiful women and they in their turn, must do everything you ask, no matter how awful it may be to them!" "Lead on, mighty man, I am ready!" the potato picker cried out in a flurry of emotion, throwing down his shovel and potatoes and taking up his pitchfork. "Well, wait just a moment, potato picker, there is even more," the devil cooed. "In that very lake with the icebergs there are many sunken ships, which have trapped ghosts of an entire ancient army. And boy, are they looking for a fight! But they need a leader. And I think that the world needs to be conquered, what do you think? Feel like leading an army of immortal ghosts to take over the world?" The potato picker was rolling on the ground and drooling, for he was truly excited. "But before the hundred wives and the ancient army, guess what awaits you to practice on? The hoarfrost trolls. They have eyes where ordinary people only have empty holes, so they really are quite tricky and can't be trusted, but what would happen if we learned their special language, and trained them to fly? Why we could make millions of coins with the circus and then, not only could you control the world, but also, I think everyone would love you. That certainly seems like the best plan, don't you think? Ahhhh, I can see by the expression on your face that you don't know how to fly, so you're probably asking yourself how you could possibly teach hoarfrost trolls to fly if you yourself don't know how? Well, I know a place where you automatically can fly, just by being there, like when you're in the water, you do know how to swim yes? Good, and do you gamble, because in this place you are assumed to be rich, you don't even have to prove it, you just have to have that feeling about you, like those people with the meat, you know the ones..." So the devil lied and lied and the potato picker dreamed and dreamed and they lived happily ever after, until they both eventually died boring deaths, so boring that neither of them noticed they had died or that they were dead. | ||
