ASSORTED RAYS: RANKED ACCORDING TO COOLNESS
By
David Ng
6.
Ray Romano
Is it just me or is this guy too funny? I mean, that thing he does with
his TV mom and wife just cracks me up. Plus, he once made $50 million
bucks in one season, which is totally cool, and is in no way the reason
for putting him on this list. Too bad about the TV kid twins, though
- I mean, what's up with their foreheads being so massive? It doesn't
look natural.
5.
Cosmic Rays
These are the rays that gave the Fantastic Four their powers. But even
cooler - in astrophysics, they are basically high-energy outer space
particles that make their way to the Earth. How awesome is that! It's
like they're all around all the time. Plus, I did some reading on them
and found out that the most energetic recorded was 1020 eV!
I don't even know what an eV is, but its got to be pretty cool. Also,
1020 is one big number - that's a one with 20 zeros behind
it. Once in my car, I even tried counting to it, but only made it to
214. I think I could have made it all the way but True by Spandau Ballet
came on the radio and I hate that song.
4.
Ray Bans
These sunglasses are as cool as it gets. Unfortunately, I already wear
prescription glasses. This means that when I put on a pair of Ray Bans,
I either have to put them right on top of my prescription glasses, or
alternatively I take my prescription glasses off first, put the Ray
Bans on, and then put my prescription glasses on top of them (I can't
see without them). Anyway, I don't think this is how Ray Ban intended
it, but I suppose this is why it's not at the number one spot.
3.
Stingrays
How awesome are these fish? They swim with those kick ass pectoral fins
and have a nasty serrated sting that - get this - is coated with toxic
venom. I'm a bit surprised there's no TV show for them - you know, like
Flipper, except when you piss it off, it might kill you. I mean, if
that's not prime time then I don't know what is. Or it could even be
like a comedy because, did you know a Stingray's eyes are on the top
side and its mouth is on the bottom side? That's right, people; the
poor fish can't see what it's eating! Man, that kind of comedy just
writes itself.
2
The "Re" in "Do Re Mi"
O.K. so not technically a "ray" - but this one rocks! First,
am I the only one who thinks Julie Andrews was pretty hot back then?
More so, when you realize that she's playing the guitar for real in
the movie - double score! On top of that, there the whole "drop
of golden sun" line, which I'm guessing is in reference to that
whole quantum physics wave-versus-particle thing - it's a shame that
whole subplot was edited out of the movie. Some nuclear explosions would
have really taken that movie to whole different level.
1.
(Tie) Gamma Rays and X-Rays
I've decided that these two rays are tied for first place, because you
know what? Sometimes, in physics land, they are actually the same thing!
Although, you could probably care less since maybe that, in itself,
is not that cool. But how awesome are x-rays? You can see your teeth
and bones, for Christ's sake! Plus, you have to wear lead aprons when
you work with the stuff, and nothing say's "ladies man" like
a kicking lead apron. And gamma rays - did you know these are the babies
that gave us the Incredible Hulk? Although what's up with his shirts
always ripping to shreds and his pants always staying together? I thought
your gluteus muscles are supposed to be the biggest in the human body.
Anyway, I'm not actually complaining - it's not like the Hulk is hot
like Julie Andrews or anything, although he does look like the sort
of dude who would also have a problem with Spandau Ballet.
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