Paid Advertisement
My dad always used to tell me "Son, don't sell yourself short." So today I went down to E-Z MED and pawned all my organs. They optioned everything I've got, from my brain and my glands on down to my kidneys. And they paid me - TODAY!
Now, you've probably heard a lot of nonsense about organ pawning and I want to set that straight. Just a routine medical examination, a few simple forms to sign, and an absolutely painless micro-coding. It's GUARANTEED IN WRITING they can't use your organs until after you are dead. So what have you got to lose? Just a whole lot to gain! CA$H MONEY, HONEY!
Really, I don't know how they stay in business with a deal like that! People were lined up around the block, but there's no grumbling, no pushing and shoving. And look at me now! You can use your money for a car, a passport, a breeding option - IT'S YOUR CHOICE!
Hey Sally, quit your job as a human lamp-post, it's degrading. I know you say it's art, but it's just exploitation. You know it and I know it. You get deadly bored standing there all evening lighting up Mr. and Mrs. Sampson's living room, and if you so much as breathe they start to complain about loud furniture like you can't even hear them. You're too good for that, Sally. Choose freedom. Pawn your organs.
Get out of that befouled microfish business, Carl. I don't care how sophisticated the technology is! Sticking tiny hooks in live spermatazoa from your own ejaculate to catch microtuna and swordamoeba is just wrong. It's just plain disgusting. Don't give me that line about "they're all gonna die anyway, once you shoot your wad." That, Carl, is natural. If they come up against a little spermacide at least they'll die trying. But there is nothing natural about feeding your young to sea creatures, not even if they have tadpole tails themselves. God's wrath will rain down on this infernal business, Carl, don't be there when the lava starts to flow. The race of man was not meant to be prawns.
Free yourself, Carl. Pawn your organs. Pawn your organs TODAY.
Vic Perry will be appearing at the 2003 Philadelphia Fringe Festival in September. He's the prose editor at www.house-taken-over.com and lives in New Mexico.