Sex Dungeon for Sale
Okay, let's take a quick peek at the basement. Careful,
the stairs are a little on the steep side. Fifteen hundred square
feet, washer/dryer hookups... oops, easy, just a few more steps. And,
let me see, it's perfect for that home gym you're thinking of.
Folks, honestly, you're not the first to ask. How can I put this?
The home's current owner uses this as a rumpus room.
No, no, I think sex dungeon is too harsh a term.
Let me just reiterate the amazing space this room has to offer. It
practically doubles the size of the house. Now, bear with me for a
second, but can't you picture an exercycle in this corner?
No, I wouldn't touch. It looks antique. I'm guessing it's some sort
of European recliner... with stirrups.
Let's focus on three words here: Tons-of-Storage. Just look at all
these cabinets. There's no telling what you could hide down here.
Oh, um, yes, I suppose those are chains. Really, let's just close
that up and move over here. There's so much to see.
Shoot, I should have mentioned not to wear flip-flops down here. Okay,
full disclosure time. There are some issues with puddles, as you can
clearly see.
I'm sorry, puddles of what, you asked?
I'd call that rumpus. But honestly, for the price the owner is asking,
this is a minor problem. I've seen homes with mud basements that sold
for twice this. Honestly, folks, it's a steal.
Another excellent question, sir. Most people don't notice the walls.
Boy, you two have really done your homework. I wish I knew all this
when I was first looking.
God, me too. You have to love the internet.
Yes, the walls are unique, aren't they? That's soundproof paneling.
I'm told it's the highest quality on the market. You can really see
the craftsmanship.
Oh yes, feel free to touch. I doubt there's any rumpus on the walls.
Didn't you mention playing the clarinet? Well, you could toot your
horn at all hours and the neighbors would never hear. Isn't that fabulous?
Why does the current owner have them?
Let me tell you a secret. This is your first home, right? Homeowners
are always picking up pet projects that never come to fruition. Take
my husband; he had to have a table saw last year. Do you think he's
ever built me a deck? No. Same thing with soundproofing your rumpus
room. Who knows?
Okay, so what do you say we take another look at the garage?
No. I can't say I heard anything. This is a great neighborhood for
kids, probably just some tykes out playing football or tag.
Well, yes, I suppose the soundproof panels would work both ways.
Boy, you know, folks, there's a padlock on that door back there...
and a sheet covering it up. I don't think the owner wants prospective
buyers inside.
Oh gosh, you know, I'm a city-girl, I couldn't tell you what a goat
sounded like if my life depended on it.
Again, I wouldn't classify this as a sex dungeon.
Unless, of course, you're in the market for one.