JuJu
There are different depressions. Like a room of
various friends.
The story was for her, we both knew it, but there'd be no dedication. I
can't even give her that, I wouldn't.
Loneliness. That was my bearable pal. Seeing him, instead of one of the
others, there was a certain sense of relief. Like when the blood in the
shower is from my mouth.
I didn't conquer him. I didn't even try to deal with him. He understood
and we just left each other alone, a pot of coffee and some Mahler between
us.
There was a girl missing a foot. I met her through a friend everyone
called Apple Jacks. I would fuck her out of boredem, even before Apple
Jacks had smacked me. A torn paper, hard sounding slap as a warning not to
hurt her friend.
I used to like to say we are all predators or prey. Truth is we are all
devoured one way or another, it's just a matter of time.
Despite my intellect, my strength of will, she won. It was my room full of
friends, they held me down.
Even when she was on top, I fell into her.
I saw her in-between washing dishes and sleeping. Sometimes I'd even see
her in my dreams. She was always floating. I don't know if this was
because of her foot or not. A bird caught on an updraft in slow motion,
sadly kissing me until the alarm struck.
I wrote poems on the inside of her closet door, scratching them in with an
old emery board.
I was sick of her. Not her, me. I couldn't run from myself fast enough
holding hands.
Everyone had expected me to break it off, be the bastard. No, no. I had to
sing a new song.
Her family had a place out in the country. Everyone was going to be there
for the Fourth of July. We decided to head up a few days early. We would
have the place to ourselves. Walk around naked, fight on the porch and
drink in the bathtub.
Just in case things went too smoothly, we brought Apple Jacks with us too.
None of us listened to each other. Each insisting it was their thing to
bring the wine, not the food. We could last a day or two. Besides, there
were crackers, some rice and plenty to drink.
We cared about seeing the sights for five minutes. Anything more gets
dull.
Cracking open a bottle of wine, we lay down with me in the middle.
The sun set and none of us could find the light switch. I didn't want to
go anywhere anyways. More wine. The air was hot and heavy, the stinking
breath of a jungle beast lying in wait.
I kissed one, then the other. We all laughed.
After it all became too much, I fell asleep. Later I woke briefly. She was
crying. Sitting on the end of the bed looking at us. She spit on Apple
Jacks.
Sitting up, she took her hand and they kissed.
I shut my eyes again. Thinking this scene was over, I laughed. It was
dawn. My pants were gone. There was a low murmuring. I felt hair crawl
across my back. Soft and cool.
She bit me on my ass, hard. Apple Jacks helped, rubbing dirt in the wound
to make a permanent mark.
Now, I was part of her tribe.